Today in a coaching session with a friend, we tried taking a look at what was going on with my fear of being seen. She told me of a book that her child enjoys, where you get to picture a feeling or part of you on your hand.
We took a look at my anxiety and I was intrigued to discover that it was a mouldable figure, made of something like plasticine or playdoh. It was light blue. I remember saying to her that it didn’t feel like a chakra colour blue, it felt more like a cold blue, with a feeling of discomfort. Like when you are too cold to concentrate properly, or your clothes are all wrong. When the food and drink you consume results in altering your brain chemistry and you spend days or weeks rebalancing it, that sort of thing. I felt that it was trying to show me all the layers that were stopping me from reaching the figure, allowing it to blossom and grow. And then it came to me; when I actively choose to consume things that I know will have this effect on me, I am self sabotaging. I am nurturing the anxiety, allowing it to feed and grow. We tried sending some love to the blue figure, to allow them to feel safe and secure, which had a little bit of an impact but not as much as I thought it would.
Then in contrast, we looked at my positive voice, my support and reassurance figure, and discovered that it too was made of the same material, but was a warm orangey red colour. Blood orange san pellegrino can colour, to be precise. The main thing I recall of this figure was the amazingly gentle yet positive connection that I felt. And, once I connected with this figure, I could see chunks of the blue figure being taken and added to the warm red figure, but she (it appears this figure is female, the blue one is gender neutral) wasn’t changing colour as a result; I anticipated her to turn brown but no, the blue was melting into the red and being transformed, and in turn making the red figure grow and become stronger. This is where the magic was truly at. Loving acceptance and compassion was gently breaking down the barriers, the walls that the blue figure had built up over years trying to help keep us safe. I promised I’d write about her so that I couldn’t forget her. So here you are!