Oh blimey, when I shared that image on facebook I had no idea what I was opening my feed up to. It was an image about the current women’s rights/abortion reform stuff going on in America, and it’s also relevant to the abortion law in Northern Ireland (which is actually more severe I believe, but as it has always been the way rather than backtracking it is not creating so much media attention).

Anyhow, every time thought I’d found something to say on a thread that had been created, a new comment had been left and I did not have the spoons to discuss things there. The thread was talking about accepting personal responsibility instead of blaming others. The suggestion was that casual sex was to blame. And that preventing it from happening would stop the problem. The thing is, that’s clearly not the solution. As a general rule, the human race is designed to have sex outside the realms of procreation. Telling people not to just doesn’t work so well.

I have worked in sexual health, I have had conversations with teenagers in schools and colleges. The truth of the matter is, kids have sex. Not all kids, true. but the more information you provide them with, the better served they are to make that decision for themselves. If you tell kids not to have sex and expect them to listen, you are creating an environment where your children won’t come and talk to you if you have a problem. I’ve spoken to young adults who are sexually active and don’t feel like they can tell their parents anything. I’ve spoken to young adults who are in committed relationships and aren’t having sex yet; I’ve spoken to teenagers who only have sex when they get drunk at parties. I’ve spoken to boys who are embarrassed to get free condoms when their mates are around, I’ve spoken to girls who don’t want to carry condoms in case people think they are a slut. I’ve also spoken to teenagers who are wonderfully happy to talk about sexual health in front of their mates, and make all this sex stuff seem normal. Because it is.

What I’ve learned from all of this… the thing we have to teach our kids is there is no shame in having sex. That’s it, simple. That if we have intercourse without a condom we are running the risk of getting someone pregnant a small amount of the time. We are at greater risk of coming into contact with an STI. And some STIs are so contagious that they can be transmitted even when using a condom. Even when being utterly responsible. So, teach them what condoms are and how to use them. Teach them not to be embarrassed about asking for them. Teach them where to get free condoms from. Have a drawer in the house that condoms are kept, and tell them if their mates need a couple they can take some too. Teach them that the pill won’t protect them from STIs. Teach them where to go to get checked out if they are worried they’ve caught anything. Teach them that they won’t always know if they’ve caught something, and that’s ok. Teach them to not be afraid of talking to you about the serious stuff.

And teach them this long before you think they’ll need it. Because even if they aren’t doing it, one of their friends might be, and you never know when they will need the wonderful advice that your child has to offer them.

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